


Calendar Girls

by LeePacesFace



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Challenge Response, Humor, Nude Photos, Tags Subject to Change, but totally humor, naked calendar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25536838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeePacesFace/pseuds/LeePacesFace
Summary: Based off a challenge I came across on FFnet. Challenge posted as first chapter.Hermione comes up with a way to not only raise money for Hogwarts but cheer up the Wizarding World.
Kudos: 1





	1. The Challenge

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Calendar Witches](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/656077) by Sphinxey. 



Challenge from Sphinxey over on FFnet

The Calendar Challenge:

I challenge anyone interested to write a Hogwarts version of Calendar Girls. It must include a nude calendar and the following characters and plot devices.

McGonagall, Hermione, Ginny, Trelawney, Sprout and Pomfrey must all feature in the calendar

McGonagall must either be with, or have been with Dumbledore 

An international tea tray competition must be held.

These lines must feature:

"I had no idea broccoli could be so intriguing."

"Now, Can anyone see my nipples."

"That's easy to say when you've got your knickers on!"

"I'm (however many) years old. If I'm not gonna get 'em out now, when am I?"

"We're going to need considerably bigger buns."

"Don't tell me, someone's grown a U shaped marrow!"

Fell free to adjust any words to make them more appropriate but please keep the gist the same.

Bonus points if you include:

"No matter what you think of the idea, you're looking at January!"

"Bras off to avoid strap marks."

"Dumbledore didn't see me naked until the spring of '56." said McGonagall. "What happened in the spring of '56?" asked (insert name) "There was a newt in the shower bucket at (insert place)." replied McGonagall

"And the carrot?"

"And here is (insert name) to lead us through the world of rugs." She pauses to listen to the person next to her. "No I stand corrected; it's on all forms of carpeting."

"Thank God." said Hermione, "I thought it might be boring."

"You're nude in the (insert paper) dear."

"One minute the dressing gown was on, the next it was just me and the hat."

"10 grams of oregano. The only thing that could be dangerous in is a quiche!"

"It's no big deal. We've all got the same bits, just in different sizes."

"I know for a fact that (insert name) is coming from (insert place) with their collection of tea towels."

They must raise somewhere in the region of six hundred thousand galleons.


	2. The Meeting

The war had ended, the battle had been won, Orders of Merlin abounded but the Wizarding World seemed to be adrift. Hermione knew this, had noticed it all through the summer following the battle, assisting in the rebuilding of Hogwarts. Now, just before the start of term, it felt like everyone was afraid to laugh, afraid to enjoy life as if to do so would erase the memory of those lost. 

Hermione was stuck for an idea on what to do about it until the day in muggle London where she found it. 

The bookstore was large, open and brightly lit. Hermione walked in and promptly forgot what she was looking for.   
A large display just to the right of the door caught her eye. 

_Calendar Girls: A Story of Friendship and Healing_

Hermione picked up the glossy calender, reading the blurb on the back she felt a grin stretch across her face. Suddenly she knew exactly how to cheer everyone up and bring a little levity back to the Wizarding World.

She put the calendar down and left the shop. 

__________  
  
Hermione hurried down the seventh floor corridor to find everyone she had owled already waiting for her. Minerva McGonagall, Molly and Ginny Weasley, Sybill Trelawney, Pomona Sprout, Rolanda Hooch and Poppy Pomfrey stood around the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. Everyone but Ginny looked decidedly confused at being summoned to this seemingly empty stretch of hallway. 

“Hello everyone. Thank you for coming!” Hermione said, slightly out of breath. “Just a moment.”   
She closed her eyes and focused on what she wanted as she paced the blank stretch of wall three times. There were gasps of surprise as a door appeared. 

Pushing the door open Hermione inspected the room. A beautiful sitting room with enough seats for them all, plush red rugs covered the floor and there was a large window showing a view of the Black lake and Forbidden forest. 

“Come in, come in take a seat.” Hermione ushered them all inside and they all sank into armchairs and love-seats while Hermione called Winky for some tea.   
Hermione sat in her own armchair as two teapots and eight teacups appeared on the low coffee table at the center. 

“Well Hermione, are you going to tell us why you wanted us all here? And where is here anyway?” Molly Weasley asked, pouring herself a cup of tea. 

“This is the room of requirement and I have a proposal for you all.” She paused a moment to figure out where to start. “After the war, it seems like everyone is depressed and afraid to laugh.” 

She was met with thoughtful looks from the gathered witches, shortly they were all nodding. 

“Yes no one really laughs anymore, not full bust a gut laughter, I mean.” Ginny agreed. “It’s like everyone thinks that if they’re happy it’s moving on too soon or something.” 

“I have an idea to try to change that, give people a reason to laugh again. A calendar. A nude calendar, starring us.”

Everyone was still for a moment before Rolanda Hooch burst out. “I’m in! I love it!”

“Hermione.” Minerva McGonagall said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Why on Earth?” 

“I’m thinking a fundraiser for the school Headmistress. I read about this group of muggle women who did one as a way to raise money for a local hospital. It was a huge hit and not only made people laugh but reminded everyone of the power of friendship.” Hermione trailed off.

“I’ll do it.” Molly said, “It sounds like fun.”

“Mum! That’s easy to say now when you’ve got your knickers on!” Ginny was blushing almost as red as her hair. 

“I quite agree.” Poppy said, looking at Molly, “Besides I’m fifty six years old, if I’m not gonna get ‘em out now, when am I?”

“I guess I’m in too.” Pomona looked at Hermione and shrugged.

“My inner eye senses no harm in it.” Sybill said quietly.

“Ugh fine.” Ginny grumbled. “Getting naked with my mum..”

They all looked to the Headmistress. 

“How about you Minerva?” Rolanda asked.

“I’m the Headmistress of Hogwarts! What would happen to my reputation if I was photographed nude?” Minerva burst out.

“It’s for a good cause Min. People often do things they otherwise wouldn’t for charity. Besides, you play the old spinster part well but some of us know better.” Rolanda said with a raised eyebrow.

“Dumbledore?” Molly asked, and as Minerva shot her a look, “One hears rumors.” 

“Dumbledore didn’t see me naked until the summer of ‘61.” She said and immediately looked as though she was repressing an urge to slap her hand over her mouth. 

“What happened the summer of ‘61?” Molly asked

“There was a newt in the shower at his summer home.” Minerva replied, blushing at the raised eyebrows and knowing smiles of the company at large. They all burst into laughter.

“So you and he…?” 

“Oh yes, Albus and I had sex on and off for years after that.” She seemed resigned to it now. 

“Go McG.” Ginny intoned quietly. 

“So you’ll do it?” Hermione asked. “It’s no big deal. We’ve all got the same bits, just in different sizes.”

“Alright Hermione, and if we’re going to be getting naked together you may as well call me Minerva.”

Sniggering started up as Rolanda announced “Now, bras off to avoid strap marks.” 

“I need to organize a sponsor for the shoot, I’m writing to the Daily Prophet and a couple other possibilities. I’ll contact you all when I hear back.” Hermione said and they dispersed for the evening. 


End file.
